Quieting Your Mind

The Subtle Mind 

This week we were to listen to an exercise on the subtle mind and compare and contrast it to the loving-kindness exercise we did last week.

I listened to the subtle mind exercise the first time and ended up falling asleep so on my second time I made sure I was slightly less comfortable. This morning as I loaded up the subtle mind mp3 to listen to my children woke up, my husband had fallen asleep on the couch and started snoring and the cats started their at least once daily “fighting sprint” through the house and I thought “Here we go, another exercise I am not going to be able to concentrate on.” I was seriously considering either giving up, or re-scheduling the exercise to another day and time. Instead I decided that I would put on my headset and try to focus at the task at hand. My initial focus was on my chest going up and down instead of the breath coming in and leaving my nostrils, the chest felt like an “easier” focal point for me. I removed my glasses that I use to read and closed my eyes, attempting to close out the world. I focused on breathing, heard my kids playing loudly (my sister in law was watching them), heard the cats and my husband snoring and the “chatter” of my mind came in heavy. What would I blog about? Would this exercise work for me? Will I ever experience the “silence and stillness” we all need ever again? What are the kids doing? Am I going to get sleep again today? On and on … I brought my mind back to my chest moving up and down and tried to regulate and make my breathing longer and smoother.

I was then prompted to let thoughts come and go, acknowledge them and let them go .. so I tried not to focus on the millions of things that seemed to be going on in my head and focus instead on an anchor from my chest to the ground. Breathe in and out, in and out. I noticed it became easier to let thoughts come and go and not scold myself for them, but acknowledge them and let them go. I released as heavy of a hold on my focal point and tried to reach for that place where mind and body connect and you are supposed to feel that certain clarity. I started to relax my mind and then it came back to a million thoughts. I refocused and started to mentally “drift away” and then something would distract me and I’d come back to the fact that I was listening and not finding my subtle mind.

But then something happened, and I am not sure what or when. I began to focus on making my breath relaxed and reminding myself people were watching the kids and let thoughts come and go without thinking about them or getting side tracked and then it was all just blank with thoughts at the exterior of my mind and nothing in the interior. It felt like the time right before you fall asleep and right after you wake up where you are only semi-conscious and aware that things are going on around you but your body hasn’t decided if you want to wake up or fall back asleep. Then just like that the voice came back on the recording and told me to return to the present. I was shocked and afraid I had fallen asleep, but I had experienced the entire recording this time, I was still sitting in my kitchen chair and I felt utterly relaxed. As a matter of fact I felt so relaxed I had to wait to write down my observations because I needed to go to bed after a long night at work. After I went upstairs I used the same technique to relax my mind and within not even 5 minutes I was able to go to sleep, which is a HUGE thing for me considering I have suffered insomnia for years and normally it takes me 30-60 minutes to relax my mind and fall asleep. I found the exercise this week extremely relaxing and beneficial and will be using it daily to calm my mind. I will use the recording until I am able to do it on my own.

My house is always busy and there is always someone awake and something going on. We have three adults – me, my husband and my sister in law here almost all the time and she will be moving in soon. I go to school, work full time, work part time and have the kids most of the day, along with most of the chores, etc so my mind is rarely calm. My to-do list seems never ending. Someone always has a television, video game, radio or phone conversation going. Add to that two small children – 3 & 5 years old, one who makes noise from the time she wakes until she is asleep in some form or fashion and two cats I never thought I would achieve a subtle or quiet mind. I am always thinking about what needs to get done at home, for school and for work. Except I wasn’t this morning and I was pleasantly surprised. I was able to focus idly on how I felt as well and took a physical inventory and realized how very worn out I actually feel.

Loving-Kindness

So how does this compare to the loving-kindness exercise? I felt it was harder to listen to the loving-kindness, however I was sick during the week we did that exercise and I was tired. I will go back and try it again as I am learning to focus more. I know that I will struggle more with that exercise as I am capable of showing loving-kindness to others, but it is harder for me to turn it towards my own body, mind and soul. I think my own personal struggles made that exercise harder than this one. They were both similar using similar techniques to focus on your breath and relax and then a guided exercise. However with the loving-kindness you were to focus on specific things where the subtle mind your focus was actually more of a lack of focus.

Body-Mind-Spirit Connection

As we've learned there is a definite connection between not only mind and body, but also spirit. Our spiritual health can manifest itself in our physical and mental health and this is regardless of our religious beliefs. Initially when I thought about spiritual health I think religion, but our spiritual health doesn't have to be tied to religion or religious beliefs. Often times it starts as something as simple as “not feeling right” or “not feeling well” and can cascade from there to actual mental or physical health issues.

I realize that my own personal spiritual health suffers not because of previous religious beliefs or a lack of current religion, but because I haven’t been able to experience the quiet and calm I experience when I am out in nature. I rarely get to experience the silence and stillness we are learning about – my job is in technology, my house is full of technology, we are always on the go, my cell phone, email and facebook are almost always on. I need to take the time to renew my spirit to boost my mental and physical health.